Time Can't Heal

By Lacy Orpin
Communications Writer of Tech Times

Jay Everett is making a road trip to Burnet. Although he was there just weeks ago, he is still getting excited to feed his friend's horse, check on his grandfather's house, see "the girls" and get the latest news from the small town. "The girls" as he affectionately refers to them are close family friends, who are just as excited to hear that he is making an unplanned trip to see them. Although Jay grew up in nearby Hutto, he has spent much of the last year in Burnet. Most of his family now lives there, and it's also where he can visit his fraternal twin brother, Jack.

He points out several landmarks along the way during our two-hour drive from Texas State Technical College and remarks at the beautiful scenery as though it is his first time seeing it. "It's beautiful country here," said Jay, pointing to the spectacular sea of green and gold hued trees in the distance. "I could buy some land and build a house out here and raise cattle."

Each small town along our journey reminds Jay of memories if his ornery younger days spent with his brothers. He fondly shares many of their adventures, but also gets lost in his private thoughts, with only the faraway look in his eyes to tell another story of a deep sadness.

When we finally arrive in Burnet, "the girls" call to say they are making a trip to Wal-Mart and will see him after he stops by to visit Jack. "Y'all are gonna be there all day," said Jay, smiling. "I know how you old country girls are, a trip to Wal-Mart means ya'll are gonna spend all your husbands' money."

After he playfully teases his lifelong friends, his mood turns more somber as we pull into the Burnet H-E-B to get the red flowers he wants to give Jack. "He loved red, we'll get him these," said Jay. Minutes later we arrive to see Jack … only he won't be greeting us at the door.

Not where we are stopped.

"I'm used to coming here now. When it first happened, I couldn't come out here," said Jay. "Now I know what has happened and that he isn't coming back. I guess I just still don't see how God could take something away from me that I loved so much."

The Burnet County Cemetery is a constant reminder of what Jay has lost. His twin brother, Jack is buried here, and it is just days before the year anniversary of his Oct. 4, 2002 drunk driving death. Although he might be used to coming to the cemetery, nothing will ever make the Golf Course & Landscape Management technology student get used to a life without his brother or the memory of the night that he died.

"I was studying for an exam and I couldn't sleep, so I stayed up all night," remembered Jay. "When my dad's friends showed up at my house at 5 a.m., I got excited because I thought maybe my dad was behind them and they had come to surprise me to go golfing. When I actually saw their faces though and I didn't see my dad, I knew exactly what happened. I hit my knees and fell to the ground. I was so mad and I just remember crying. My heart sank."

Jack and his roommate attended several parties that lasted until the early morning hours of Oct. 4. The intoxicated pair then began their journey home on FM 1660 when Jack's Ford truck hit a curve right before a bridge. He then hit the dirt on the shoulder, careened down to the culvert; side swiped a telephone pole and flew 30 yards in the air before hitting the fence and flipping end over end. When the truck finally landed, nose-first, it compacted.

Jack was killed instantly.

"Sometimes when I am by myself just thinking, I replay the wreck in my mind. Even though I haven't seen the pictures, I just imagine how it must have been for him," said Jay, as we made our way to Jack's gravesite. "I plan on being buried right here next to Jack. And, if I get married, my wife will be right next to me."

Jay carefully removes the weeds that have become nestled in the rocks where Jack is buried. He brushes away leaves from the headstone and talks to his brother as he kneels down to lovingly inspect the surroundings.

"You made me hurt my knees bending down here buddy," said Jay as he gently wiped the dust from Jack's picture. "I can't believe it has already been a year. It seems like yesterday we were out here for the funeral."

At that moment standing beside Jay, I became completely overwhelmed with profound sadness and an extreme sense of guilt. At any time during our visit to the cemetery, I could have picked up the phone and heard the voice of my own twin. Jay however, could only talk to Jack's beautifully engraved picture on his headstone.

"Don't feel guilty Lacy, just be thankful and love her," said Jay, as my eyes immediately overflowed with tears. My chest tightened and though I tried my best to hold back my sadness, the hurt I felt for Jay was overpowering. "I'm so sorry Jay," I said, trying unsuccessfully to hold back the stream of tears that were already falling down my face. I wanted to hug Jay and take away all his pain, but it was as if he was the one comforting me. "It's okay Lacy, it's hard for you because this is the first time you have seen it. I have been out here for a year now."

A whole year without his twin. I can't go a day without talking to mine.

Much has changed in Jay's life in the year since Jack's death. Jay has changed. He is now back in school at TSTC after a four-month absence. During that time, Jay honored his brother by getting the same tribal tattoo, and found solace in the closeness of his family. After months of being plagued with horrific anger and sleepless nights, Jay also turned to medicine to help him find relief in dealing with Jack's death. He now takes Zoloft to combat the depression and anxiety that at times dominated his life.

It was my mom's idea for me to see a doctor," said Jay. "It has really helped me out a lot. If I can help other people deal with things, I am happy to talk about it. I can now sleep a little better at night and I have more of an understanding of things. I'm still angry, but I'm a lot better than I used to be."

As our stay at the cemetery comes to an end, Jay visits each of the other graves in his family's plot and tells me a story about each of them. When Jay decides he is ready to go, he makes one last stop by Jack's grave to say goodbye.

"I know I'll see you someday, but I know you don't want me to come anytime soon. I'm having too much fun right now and I know that is what he would want."

UMADD - MADD College Campus Chapters
A step-by step-guide to starting and participating in MADD College Campus Chapters
Alcohol is the biggest drug problem facing young people today. The aftermath of underage drinking is far more widespread and devastating than the impact of other illicit drugs. In fact, alcohol kills 6.5 times more young people each year than all of the other illicit drugs combined.

In 1999, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation (RWJF) commissioned a study on college drinking that revealed that an alarming number of college students continue to drive after heavy drinking. Researchers at the Harvard University School of Public Health has found that "bingers," those who consume five or more drinks in a row in one sitting, are responsible for more than 70 percent of all college alcohol consumption. Of these same students 57 percent report driving after drinking.
The good news is that the Harvard study also indicates that 57 percent of all college students either abstain from alcohol or only occasionally drink and do not get drunk.
Countless college students are concerned with high-risk campus drinking and are eager to find solutions. Research points to solutions that will successfully reduce underage and high-risk drinking problems on college campuses; according to students, they support these solutions.
Separate research indicates that in general, college students want stricter policies and enforcement on campus. They support conditions that would reduce the harms caused by underage drinking. MADD activists and students make logical allies in the efforts to make environmental changes to the drinking culture on our nation's campuses.

STUDENTS AND MADD
Student activists are in a unique position to play a significant role both on college campuses and in their outlying communities by joining existing coalitions and student groups or starting new ones. MADD community leaders can mentor campus leaders as they work to create sweeping policy changes throughout the university system. As an organization that has proven that policy and attitudinal change can occur, MADD seeks to pass its knowledge and strengths onto today's generation of activists.

MADD CAMPUS CHAPTER
A UMADD Chapter is a campus-based student organization comprised of student leaders concerned about underage and high-risk drinking, impaired driving, and dedicated to finding solutions. It addresses the problems in a holistic manner by involving both the campus and community.

UMADD Chapters are based on a two-part philosophy. First, student leaders receive information about the extent of the national problem and work to identify the gaps in their individual campus and community policy as it relates to underage and high-risk drinking. Secondly, student leaders are equipped with the skills necessary to advocate for change on campus and in their towns or cities as they encounter misperceptions and challenges from both communities.

UMADD Chapters take a dual approach in seeking change -- educational (attitudes) and environmental (laws and/or policies).

UMADD Chapters address tactics for limiting the danger of high-risk drinking, and affect changes in social norming -- what behavior is acceptable or thought to be normal. Chapters also investigate problems in community policy on impaired driving and address underage drinking policy enforcement and limiting alcohol access.

WHAT IS THE SOLUTION?
What's the difference between a UMADD Chapter and a regular MADD chapter?
A UMADD campus chapter must be sponsored by a local MADD chapter, the MADD state organization, or the MADD national office. The campus chapter also must receive official recognition from the college or university.
However, unlike the sponsoring MADD chapter, there is very limited reporting and paperwork required for a campus chapter, which allows the group to focus on programmatic and educational activities. It is imperative that the campus chapter be in close communication with its MADD sponsor. Any highly visible activities or public statement the campus chapter might want to make must receive approval from the sponsoring chapter or state office.

What would we do as a UMADD Chapter?

Education
Organize and hold a campus-wide candlelight vigil to remember the victims of impaired driving and high-risk drinking on your campus.

Set up an information booth in the Student Union to share information and hand out literature about the underage drinking problem. (You might consider using activities like the Fatal Vision Goggles or other things to directly involve people.)

Develop a public awareness event that highlights the extent of college high-risk drinking, hosting it on campus and inviting the media. (You might consider involving groups or classes of students. For example, ask an advertising class to design a

PSA campaign to showcase the event/topic/issue. Ask a painting class to create pieces of art that depict the issue and plan a gallery showing. Ask an economics class to determine the cost of high-risk drinking to campus and community, and release the results to the media.)

Environment
Conduct the Higher Education Center's College Alcohol Risk Assessment and share the findings with various campus leaders and/or hold a press event.

Meet with your local liquor law enforcement officials (or alcohol beverage control) as well as campus and community police to see how you can assist in compliance checks to ensure retail alcohol outlets near campus are checking IDs.

Meet with campus administration officials and review MADD's suggested list of campus policies. Discuss how you can ensure that each policy is adopted and enforced. If appropriate, hold a petition drive, an awareness event, or a rally to show support of policies.

Work to eliminate alcohol advertising from campus newspapers and radio stations.

Work with city officials to eliminate irresponsible 'drink specials' at bars near campus.
Advocacy

Join your local MADD chapter in testifying at city or county-level hearings to support MADD's key policy measures.

Volunteer at your local MADD chapter or with your MADD state organization and offer to testify at key state legislative hearings in support of MADD's key policy measures.

Meet with your campus police chief and local police chief to discuss ways to strengthen enforcement of underage drinking laws.

Request to speak to the university's board of trustees or other key leadership groups.

STOPPING HIGH-RISK DRINKING ON YOUR CAMPUS

How do I start a UMADD Campus Chapter?
1. Obtain approval from your school. This involves several steps and varies from campus to campus. Navigate through your campus but the process might look like this:
• Find the person on your campus responsible for approving campus-based student groups. It may be someone in the office of the Dean of Students, the Vice President of Student Affairs,or Campus Activities at the Student Union.
• Typically an application is required, with a sample constitution and bylaws. Samples of these documents are available at www.madd.org/colleges
• Identify a faculty member who will agree to serve as a faculty advisor.

2. Finalize your chapter name using your school name, initials or moniker (eg. UMADD BSU; UMADD Duke; UMADD K State)

3. Designate a chapter coordinator (your faculty advisor) and a student coordinator. Complete and submit the MADD Campus Chapter Organizer Profile form.

4. Conduct the campus chapter research project.

5. Complete a Level I Campus Chapter Sponsorship Agreement and submit it to your MADD sponsor chapter, state office or national office.
NOTE: The Level I Campus Chapter Sponsorship Agreement must be authorized by the MADD state organization and signed by the stateorganization chairperson, chapter coordinator and student coordinator.
In the event that the MADD state organization designates a Level II chapter to sponsor the campus chapter, the sponsorship agreement must also be authorized by the Level II chapter's executive committee and signed by the Level II chapter's president.

6. Submit the following items to the MADD national office:
• College Chapter Organizer Profile Form
• Campus Chapter Research Project
• Level I Campus Chapter Sponsorship Agreement
• University letter of support or recognition
• The formal name of campus chapter
7. MADD's national office will issue a Campus Chapter Charter Certificate which must be renewed annually.